i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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