I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Randomize