This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
