Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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