Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
