i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
