So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize