Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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