Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
