Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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