i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize