sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
