maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
