I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
