Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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