My balls are so social today.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
