Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
