what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
