you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize