"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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