Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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