marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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