I'm gonna have a badass scar
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Come on in and take your pants off
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