I think I am morally bankrupt
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize