you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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