My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
