Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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