end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
