so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
