if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
