he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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