Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
