Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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