well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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