U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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