I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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