My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
