Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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