im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I need a beard to bite.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
