So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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