Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
