im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You pole danced in your parka.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
