Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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