Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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