I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
