I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
