that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Semen is not good for contacts.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
