im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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