Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize