She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
