also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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