you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Randomize
