rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Terrible idea I love it
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
