I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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