My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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