Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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