oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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