No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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