just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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