I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
