Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
