I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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