stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
