Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
