also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
