I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
