I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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