it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I can't turn off my feet"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
