those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize