Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
