Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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