I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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