True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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