i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
did you just send me my own nude
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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