every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
