my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
