so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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