I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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