Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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