Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
