His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
