Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
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