my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
