I wish I could punch you in the face.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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