yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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