I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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