i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
