Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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