Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
