I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
