i already hear my dad disowning me
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize