we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
