I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Couch. On fire.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
