..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
