fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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