this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
